How Can You Manage Stress Under a Toxic Leader?

Short answer: Under a toxic leader, stress comes less from the amount of work than from the lack of control, predictability and fairness. So the most effective strategies give you back some control: clear limits on your availability, a focus on what you can influence, real recovery after work, people who support you, and a plan B. Relaxation techniques help, but they cannot make up for a situation that keeps harming you. If stress affects your sleep or health, take it seriously and get help.

Why a toxic boss is so stressful

One of the classic models of work stress, Karasek’s demand-control model, shows that strain arises especially when high demands meet little room for decisions (Karasek, 1979). A toxic leader often creates exactly that combination: high, changing demands, and almost no control over how, when or whether you can meet them. Add unpredictability and the constant risk of criticism, and your body stays on alert.

That has consequences. A meta-analysis found that destructive leadership is associated with lower well-being and higher stress among employees (Schyns & Schilling, 2013). And according to conservation of resources theory, losses of energy, time or confidence weigh more heavily than gains, and people who are already depleted are more vulnerable to further losses (Halbesleben et al., 2014). That is why stress under a toxic boss tends to build up rather than fade.

Eight strategies that help

1. Set limits on your availability. Decide when you are reachable and stick to it. “I will answer this tomorrow morning” is a complete sentence. More in setting boundaries in toxic work environments.
2. Focus on what you can control. The quality of your work, your preparation, your reactions. Write down at the start of each day which two or three things you will get done, regardless of your boss’s mood.
3. Create predictability. Confirm tasks and deadlines in writing, ask for priorities when demands collide (“Which of these three should come first?”). It reduces surprises and protects you.
4. Recover deliberately. Research identifies four experiences that help people recover from work: mentally detaching from it, relaxation, learning or mastering something new, and control over your free time (Sonnentag & Fritz, 2007). Switch off notifications, and stop replaying conversations in the evening.
5. Calm your body, not just your mind. Short walks, breathing exercises, exercise, enough sleep. They do not solve the problem, but they lower your baseline stress.
6. Don’t carry it alone. Social support reduces strain and weakens the link between stress and its effects (Viswesvaran, Sanchez & Fisher, 1999). Talk to trusted colleagues, friends, family, or a counselor.
7. Limit your emotional investment. Do good work, but stop seeking approval from someone who withholds it. Your worth is not your boss’s assessment.
8. Keep a plan B. An updated CV, an active network, knowing your financial runway. Knowing that you could leave reduces the feeling of being trapped, even if you stay.

When stress becomes a health problem

Warning signs are ongoing sleep problems, exhaustion that a weekend does not fix, physical symptoms such as headaches or stomach problems, anxiety before work, or the feeling of no longer being able to cope. Then it is time to see a doctor or therapist, and to tell them what is happening at work. If you are in acute distress, contact a doctor, a crisis line or emergency services right away.

Related: How to build resilience in a toxic work environment and The hidden dangers of toxic bosses and coworkers.

In the book: Chapter 8 of Breaking Free from Toxic Leadership is about self-care and stress management, including a toolkit of stress management techniques. Chapter 7 covers coping strategies and resilience.

---

Sources

Halbesleben, J. R. B., Neveu, J.-P., Paustian-Underdahl, S. C. & Westman, M. (2014). Getting to the “COR”: Understanding the role of resources in conservation of resources theory. Journal of Management, 40(5), 1334–1364. DOI: 10.1177/0149206314527130

Karasek, R. A. (1979). Job demands, job decision latitude, and mental strain: Implications for job redesign. Administrative Science Quarterly, 24(2), 285–308. DOI: 10.2307/2392498

Schyns, B. & Schilling, J. (2013). How bad are the effects of bad leaders? A meta-analysis of destructive leadership and its outcomes. The Leadership Quarterly, 24(1), 138–158. DOI: 10.1016/j.leaqua.2012.09.001

Sonnentag, S. & Fritz, C. (2007). The Recovery Experience Questionnaire: Development and validation of a measure for assessing recuperation and unwinding from work. Journal of Occupational Health Psychology, 12(3), 204–221. DOI: 10.1037/1076-8998.12.3.204

Viswesvaran, C., Sanchez, J. I. & Fisher, J. (1999). The role of social support in the process of work stress: A meta-analysis. Journal of Vocational Behavior, 54(2), 314–334. DOI: 10.1006/jvbe.1998.1661

<<< BACK to FAQs