What Are the First Steps if You Are Being Bullied at Work?

Short answer: Start by naming what is happening and writing it down. Keep a dated record of every incident, with exact words, witnesses and evidence. Then look for support: a trusted colleague, a doctor if your health suffers, and an employee representative, HR or a lawyer when you consider formal steps. Find out which internal policies and laws apply to you before you act, and decide each step deliberately rather than in the heat of the moment.

Being bullied at work is not a rare experience. A meta-analysis of 86 samples with more than 130,000 participants found an average rate of 14.6 percent, and 11.3 percent when people were given a clear definition and asked whether it applied to them (Nielsen, Matthiesen & Einarsen, 2010). If it is happening to you, you are not alone, and it is not a sign of weakness.

Step 1: Name it

Research on workplace bullying uses a fairly consistent definition: negative acts that are repeated, continue over a period of time, and are directed at someone who finds it hard to defend themselves (Einarsen, Hoel, Zapf & Cooper, 2020). Typical examples are being humiliated in front of others, excluded from information or meetings, given impossible deadlines or meaningless tasks, having your work constantly criticized, or being the target of rumors.

A single conflict or a harsh remark is not bullying. A pattern is. Putting a name to it helps you stop doubting yourself and makes it easier to explain the situation to others.

Step 2: Write everything down

Documentation is the most important thing you can do, and you can start today. Record each incident on the same day: date, time, place, who was involved, what was said (in exact words where possible), who saw it, what evidence exists, and how it affected you. Keep the record private, on your own device or on paper, never on a company laptop or account.

Our free Incident Log gives you a ready-made template, an example entry and practical advice on what makes a record useful. Two cautions: do not record conversations secretly, which is illegal in many countries and US states, and do not forward confidential company documents to your private email.

Step 3: Protect your health

Bullying is not just unpleasant. A meta-analytic review found that exposure to bullying is associated with mental and physical health problems, symptoms of post-traumatic stress and burnout, and that it predicts mental health problems over time (Nielsen & Einarsen, 2012). If you sleep badly, feel anxious before work or notice physical symptoms, see a doctor and mention what is happening at work. This protects you, and the medical record can become important later.

Step 4: Find out where you stand

Before you take any formal step, check three things:

• Internal rules. Does your organization have a code of conduct, an anti-bullying or dignity-at-work policy, a complaint procedure, a works council, an ombudsperson or an employee assistance program?
• The law where you work. Legal protection differs a lot between countries. In many European countries, employers have a duty to protect their employees’ health, including from psychosocial risks. In the United States, there is no general federal law against workplace bullying; harassment is unlawful mainly when it is linked to a protected characteristic such as race, sex, religion, age or disability. A short consultation with an employment lawyer, a union or an employee representative can save you from costly mistakes.
• The role of HR. HR can help, but its first responsibility is to the organization. Go there prepared, with your documentation, and keep a written record of what you report and when. More on this in The Role of HR in Navigating Toxic Work Environments.

Step 5: Don’t go through it alone

Bullying isolates people, often deliberately. Talk to someone you trust, inside or outside work. Colleagues who have seen what happens may be willing to confirm it later, and some may have had similar experiences. Outside work, friends, family or a counselor help you keep perspective when your confidence is under attack.

Step 6: Decide your next move deliberately

Once you have a clear record and know your options, you can choose:

• Address it directly, if you feel safe enough: calmly, factually and, ideally, followed by a short email that summarizes the conversation.
• Use the formal route: a written complaint to HR, the works council or the person above the bully.
• Plan your exit, if the organization will not change or the price for your health is too high. Leaving is not a defeat. Leaving on your own terms, with your record and your health intact, is often the strongest move.

Whatever you choose, avoid reacting impulsively. A bully may try to provoke an emotional reaction that can then be used against you.

If you are in acute distress or think about harming yourself, please contact a doctor, a crisis line in your country or emergency services right away. No job is worth your life.

In the book: Chapter 4 of Breaking Free from Toxic Leadership covers identifying signs of manipulation and assessing your workplace, Chapter 5 how to gather evidence, set boundaries and decide when to escalate or move on.

This article provides general information, not legal advice. Employment law differs from country to country.

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Sources

Einarsen, S. V., Hoel, H., Zapf, D. & Cooper, C. L. (Eds.) (2020). Bullying and Harassment in the Workplace: Theory, Research and Practice (3rd ed.). CRC Press.

Nielsen, M. B. & Einarsen, S. (2012). Outcomes of exposure to workplace bullying: A meta-analytic review. Work & Stress, 26(4), 309–332. DOI: 10.1080/02678373.2012.734709

Nielsen, M. B., Matthiesen, S. B. & Einarsen, S. (2010). The impact of methodological moderators on prevalence rates of workplace bullying: A meta-analysis. Journal of Occupational and Organizational Psychology, 83(4), 955–979. DOI: 10.1348/096317909X481256

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